DEPRESSION - WHERE IS THE ROOT CAUSE, AND IS THERE A CURE?

original post is from march 2022

You have probably heard that anthropologists have noticed that members of some tribes in some completely isolated communities did not suffer from depression at all. There was no word in their language to describe such a condition. However, if they became part of this modern society, their members would quickly succumb to alcohol and become depressed. The examples of North American Indians and Aborigines best demonstrate this. So much for the "advanced" civilization.

So, some people there, let's say, Bushmen, have no idea what it is, and despite all these benefits and advanced medicine we have, we do not know how to deal with depression! And it's not only that we can't overcome it, but it has gained such momentum in modern society that it is already threatening to take on a global pandemic scale ...

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It all started as a coincidence, and in fact, it is evident that coincidence does not exist. First, Zorica posted an interesting story about the train and life path in the Viber group. I immediately thought of Bill Hicks' outstanding performance - It's Just A Ride, and I pasted it below. Then I went to the TV. I rarely watch it, but when I do, I mostly turn on the BBC World as I can find some topics there that catch my attention. So I had a look and saw the show going on at that moment: Depression and Me.

- WOW, man, this is really interesting!

Let me start with the fact that I haven't had any severe problems with depression. Still, if we talk about depression, we actually talk about the mind, which is exactly what attracts my attention - particularly thinking about the human mind. The mentioned video (It's Just A Ride) is a story about understanding reality, and that is directly associated with the feeling of depression.

Let's stay on the show for now. If you have the option of watching the older program, you can watch it until March 28/29, and it will certainly be aired in some future period.

I won't talk much about the show itself, but at the beginning, I would like to mention something that most viewers probably ignored - who talks about their problem with depression?

In this case, it's Alastair Campbell. I could write a lot here about his life, and if you are more interested, it is best to go to the Wiki. I will just say that he was a successful journalist and later an adviser to many famous politicians, including Tony Blair. According to him, he did not have any traumas in his youth; he has a great family and has achieved great success in everything he did.
Blair himself described Campbell as a genius. In any case, Campbell is an above-average intelligent person, and yet he suffers from depression, even severe depression. He has been on antidepressants for more than 30 years - every single day! But despite taking these so-called drugs, he has regular bouts of depression!

How come an intelligent man, who has achieved everything that can be achieved in life, without a rational basis for depression, has been treating depression for 30 years and has not found a solution to his problem yet? Does that mean that there is no solution at all?


DEPRESSION AND PSYCHEDELICS

Somewhere in the second part of the show, Campbell touched on something called deep therapy, which consists of a single very intense session. Again, that therapy includes something he has a great aversion to - psychedelics. More specifically psilocybin, the essential ingredient of magic mushrooms. We heard from Campbell that a study was carried out at the University of London in which twenty patients suffering from chronic depression were given a single dose of psilocybin. The results were fascinating.

The session itself is not pleasant. One of the participants in that study said he met his demons during the session, but he realized that those things were not as scary as he thought. After the session, he was completely free from depression and did not take antidepressants for three months. The results were similar for the other participants.

Campbell hasn't tried that method yet, but who knows, maybe one day he will ...

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Johns Hopkins is the oldest research university in the United States, and they have gone the furthest in this field. They first did a study in which they gave people with cancer a single dose of psilocybin. The results were fantastic. It was clear already in this research that patients' anxiety and depression were almost completely gone. You can read more about the study here

The title reads as follows: - original - this is something we should not ignore! The active ingredient in magic mushrooms was given to people with cancer: 80% felt an immediate reduction in anxiety and depression, and it lasted for six months and longer (and now pay special attention to the following!) " original".. (remember that sentence) Following a study on people with cancer, J. Hopkins University has recently carried out another study with people suffering from severe depression. Psilocybin also showed immediate and long-term effects. Most of these people felt the positive effect lasting up to a year. You can read about it here


WHAT'S THE CATCH, THEN?

We now have the following situation: People who have severe problems with depression are prescribed antidepressants. They take them daily, day after day, many of them for the rest of their lives. On the other hand, we already have scientific evidence that just a single treatment (possibly two) with psilocybin can make a person get rid of depression and anxiety (in the case of cancer patients - fear of death) for up to a year.

Shamans have been using psychedelics worldwide to help people solve their problems for hundreds of years. In Russia, these are magic mushrooms, in Africa, it is Iboga, in Mexico Peyote, in South America Ayahuasca and mushrooms, ...

And then there is a logical question: why are antidepressants forced upon and psychedelics are banned (in the treatment!)? It seems someone benefits from not curing people of depression and strives to prolong their symptoms ...

In response, it's best to quote Terence McKenna - Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third-story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. THEY OPEN YOU UP TO THE POSSIBILITY THAT EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG.

Terence McKenna said that 50 or more years ago, and remember the conclusions of the latest study: "original" By all accounts, McKenna was absolutely right ------------------------------------------ Have you ever thought about programs deeply installed in your mind - religion, nation, patriotism, ...?
No, I can't talk about it now, we wouldn't understand each other at all, but we can talk about Mowgli.
Do you remember the Jungle Book - the story of a boy raised by orangutans who entered this civilization as a mature person? There was no idea in his mind about religion, belonging to a nation, etc. Yet, he viewed all the people around him exactly the same way.
If only one such Mowgli appeared here among us now, that would not be a problem at all. But just try to imagine what would happen if thousands and thousands of Mowglis appeared among us, what would happen then?

How would all those who are currently shaping our destinies react? They would be in a complete state of shock. In the beginning, they probably wouldn't know what to do, and then I guess they would do the following - they wouldn't have time for some instant forcing of a national feeling. I guess they would try to convince those with brown eyes that blue-eyed people pose a serious threat to them and that they urgently need to take some measures to protect themselves. Normally, they would offer weapons immediately.
They would not have to persuade much the blue-eyed to take similar measures - they would see for themselves the brown-eyed arming. The weapon is there, the fear is there, and now they only need one more spark for the brown-eyed and blue-eyed to start beating each other.

Does this ring a bell?

So, if psychedelics were legalized, there is a great possibility that they would have a large number of Mowglis, and the authorities would not like that at all. The government already has great means of manipulation in its hands - deeply embedded programs of religious and national affiliation. If individuals without these programs installed in their heads suddenly appeared now, it would be a very, very big problem for them.

MY EXPERIENCE WITH PSYCHEDELICS

After everything you've read, I probably look like Mowgli to you, like someone who just came from the jungle. You also assume that I had some experience with psychedelics. You are right.
In 2015, after reading about a study done at J. H. University (with people with cancer), I decided to try magic mushrooms at the age of fifty-five. You can guess why I decided to do that
Nine and a half months later, I took the mushrooms again exactly as in this study. Seven months after that, I was also at the Ayahuasca ceremony (September 2016), and these are all my experiences with psychedelics. I got all the information I needed about the mushrooms and Ayahuasca, and I hung up. I am not saying that I will never reach for such an experience again, but only if I have some great doubts or need some information. If you are interested, you can read about my experiences and all the messages I got from Ayahuasca and mushrooms: magic mushrooms; Ayahuasca


Bill Hicks

JUST A RIDE - when I first heard this, I was utterly dumbfounded. And the first thing I thought was - well, how is it possible that you can hear so much wisdom from an ordinary comedian in just a few sentences. Later, when I found out that Hicks himself had experience with psychedelics, I immediately understood where he got all this wisdom from.

But the main thing and the point is that you don't need psychedelics at all ... ... if you can see reality from a slightly broader perspective. Meditation is a great thing - try to perceive all the programs this civilization has carved deep into your mind. Realize that all these programs are a perfect tool for manipulation. Don't let anyone instill hatred and fear in your heart through these programs, because, as Bill Hicks says - it all comes down to choosing between love and fear.
"The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one" ""

He said a lot in just a few minutes:

"Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride"

You should be aware that behind all this that we see around us and value as "good" and "bad" there is some intelligent mind that directs it all just like that. For some reason, we need everything "good" and everything "bad" in this school we are going through, and that is why in some finale, everything is actually good. This is very important for you to understand, and that's why I have spread the Rumi's thought all over my FB wall.

Ayahuasca

original post is from october 2016 About 4 months ago, I learned that an Ayahuasca ceremony would be held in Belgrade in September. I heard about it happening in Novi Sad before, but this was the first time I heard that something like this was about to be held in Belgrade. The time interval between my last experience with mushrooms and this one would be only 7 months, but this sounded like an opportunity not to be missed, and I also had a question about Ayahuasca.

That previous experience with mushrooms gave me the necessary self-confidence and I waited for the ceremony relaxed and mentally completely ready. There was only, so to say, a fuss about one thing - would I get enough of the drink?

There were some things on my mind - three failed attempts at hypnotic regression (3 different hypnotists 10 years apart), a youthful memory of an event when I smoked hashish with friends (which had absolutely no effect on my consciousness) and last experience with mushrooms when it was not until I took 6 g (triple dose) that I had a mystical experience.

Aware that my rational analytical mind could block me, I was afraid that they would give me, a first-time participant, an insufficient amount of drink.
Reading about the ceremonies taking place in South America, I saw that there some time after taking the drink, the shaman offers an extra amount to those who feel the need for it. I wasn't sure it would be the same here.

After 7 days of preparation, fasting and abstinence, the September day arrived. We gathered around 6pm in the yard of the big house where the ceremony was supposed to start around 8:30 pm
The ceremony was led by a woman from Slovenia (with assistants), whom I will call Shaman because of her experience in South America and her abilities.

At 20:30 we were all sitting in a circle in a room of some 80 square meters. So somehow, it turned out that I was first on the left to the Shaman and her assistant.
First, there was a brief introduction and presentation of expectations - what information and change in life we ​​expect from Ayahuasca. The ceremony was attended by people who seek only some answers on the spiritual path, as well as those who want to treat their blockages, get rid of addictions or cure diseases. The answer you will get may not be the one you expected - you will get the answer Ayahuasca thinks you need.
After that, the drinking started from right to left, so I was the last. Of the thirteen participants, four of us were attending a ceremony like this for the first time. I followed what was happening and saw that the Shaman asked everyone who already had an experience if they wanted a stronger or weaker dose, while for those who were new, she determined the amount herself.

Regardless, when it was my turn I asked her to give me a stronger dose. She gave me a little smile and said - "No need to hurry".

As I was taking my dose, I was thinking about the question I wanted to be answered. The question was related to something that had been bothering me for a long time, and regarding the relationship between my two sons, specifically the intolerance that the older towards the younger. I wondered what that was about and if I could do something about it.

I went to my place and lied on the rug and bag.
The light went out and it was completely dark, since the windows were also covered with canvas. Time passed and I already heard the initial reactions from some participants. The taste of Ayahuasca was, according to many, the worst thing they had ever tasted in their lives, and vomiting was a common reaction.

The Shaman was signing Icaros songs. Her voice was divine. After more than an hour, the dim light was on and several participants came for the second dose. That was what I'd been waiting for. I approached and said - give me a strong dose. Without a word, she topped my glass and gave me the drink. I went and sat in my place (I didn't want to lie down for fear of falling asleep).

Time passed, nothing happened in my mind. After about half an hour, one girl approached for probably another dose. I took the opportunity, approached and said - absolutely nothing is happening to me - and asked for a third dose. The Shaman poured and told me that my mind was blocking and that I couls drink a liter of it, but to no avail. I would have to try to meditate and let go of my mind.
I nodded, but I still took the third glass :)

I sat in my seat and listened to Ayahuasca "working" for the other participants. There were cries, sobs, muffled laughter. I, on the other hand, was 100% sober.
Shortly after, I felt the urge to vomit, but the mind reacted at full tilt - vomiting was out of the question !!! You came here for information and you will use the last molecule of DMT, you can't vomit !! The urge was gone without a trace.

At one point I noticed a very dim red light approaching me. The first thought was that it was part of the ceremony and that it had to be one of the assistants. However, the light was standing right in front of me for a long time. I was thinking - if it was part of the ceremony, the assistant would certainly not have stayed that long, but would have moved around the circle.

So that was it, I had been waiting for you. I stared at the light, waiting for it to turn into an eye, and spoke to myself - I came for you, I don't care if you're a good or evil spirit, let me hear what you have to say to me?

However, the light moved on. Bummer :). It was the assistant after all.

After a while, it started working for me too. I could lie down, but I was certainly not going to sleep.
It started with some colorful plastic shapes, characters. Then beautiful fractals. I watched in amazement at first, but then the mind jumped in again with its story - You didn't come here to take drugs and enjoy the beauty !! You came for information. Fuck those fractals!
And it was like that a couple of times. And then at one point there was a voice, like an observer above my mind, saying - Shut that mind up, what you see, those fractals, that's the secret of the universe. Just watch, and you will get the information.

Then thoughts about God started. Observing beauty, I thought about how all that exists was God playing with himself. And this consciousness was the consciousness of God.

Thoughts moved in different directions. I remember one thought that came to my mind that morning.
In the morning, I went for a run. Namely, I wanted to see if I could run 6 km after seven days of a vegan diet. Somewhere in the middle of running, I suddenly realized that I was mostly looking at the ground while running. Probably because I once sprained my leg in a hole and fell there. However, at that moment, I wondered - Why are you looking down in front of you at the dark earth (running on an earthen road)? Raise your head, look into the distance and width, absorb energy from nature and it will give you the strength to run.
So I remembered that thought, and something told me - What you thought about running this morning, it applies to your life. Don't look down into all that dark information - crises, wars, chemtrails, ... Move your attention and focus, look into the distance and width and it will give you the energy to go through life. And if you expand your focus and learn to recognize and interpret signs like this one this morning, you won't even need Ayahuasca.

Thoughts moved further in various directions. I thought of a distant cousin, whom I saw for the first and only time two years ago when she was already 18 years old. A few days ago I had heard she was sick.
Suddenly I had a vision of a branching family tree, which I saw as a fractal, and it would be clear to me that young cousin and me, no matter how far from each other we were on that tree, were part of the same fractal. I needed to visit her in the coming days.

Several times as I watched the fractals I wondered where the answer to my specific question was and would I get it? Then, at one point came the moment of truth. Like a shot.

When I asked that question at the beginning of the ceremony, I asked it from the perspective of an observer, someone who talked about a problem with which he had nothing to do.
Naturally, I have asked myself the question 1000 times - am I perhaps somehow responsible? I was thinking, but I couldn't see any mistake in what I was doing. I have given love and a role model to my children and that's it, ....I couldn't do more.

My son told me a couple of times when he was 25 that he felt old and sometimes depressed. Now he is 26, he has no job, or even a profession that he would pursue, with a dream of moving to the United States, which somehow looks farther and farther, and who knows what else.

And what was I doing? Talking that age was just a number and that a person could live life to the fullest in the sixth, seventh, eighth decade and wanted to show him on my example. Photo albums and stories show an easy-going and relaxed life full of enjoyment from an early age and throughout life. The ideal life of an "ideal" dad.

And then, it all suddenly flashed to me. The child does not need an ideal, but an honest parent with an open heart. And I have never talked to my child about the crises I was going through myself and that I went to group therapies at the age of twenty.
And that for a young person who is at that age of some, that is, many crossroads, such a picture can be a burden rather than a drive. And that, perhaps a subconscious burden, can produce a negative emotion it can direct to the other side without a rational basis to direct towards the one who caused it.

Oh God, how sorry I am, oh how sorry I am !! For my blindness and for the suffering I caused to my family. Tears and sobs.

At that moment, a word came to my mind - Ho'oponopono, something I read about ten years ago. Ho'oponopono is a Hawaiian technique that implies two things:
1. accepting responsibility for everything that happens around us
2. cleansing with the help of four statements: I'm sorry; Thank you; I love you; Forgive me please.

Powerful words that should be repeated constantly as a prayer, a mantra. How it suddenly made sense to me.

They said Ayahuasca would provide the information you need at that moment and they were right. I have been a parent for almost 27 years and all the time I have lived with a picture (pink) about what kind of parent I am, convinced that that picture is objective. What a mistake! Only children can give an evaluation of a parent and that right must be given to them clearly, unambiguously and unconditionally.
Regardless of the mindset and the reasons, their evaluation is the only valid. God knows that the children of "ideal" parents (whom the whole world sees as ideal except them) carry the greatest burden and that their suffering is greater than the suffering of children of, so to say, bad parents.

Children should be encouraged to make that judgment. In order to do it, they have to open their hearts, and in order to do that, we have to open our own first.

The day had already begun to dawn when I fell asleep for a while. At about 9, there was a sharing of personal experiences and then a farewell word from the Shaman - a message that we now have to see and integrate the insights we have gained into everyday life, which is the third and most important part of the whole process.


DMT

DMT molecules are found in nature and, among other things, in our body - in the pituitary gland. It is excreted from there only in extremely rare situations, such as a close encounter with death, and then in a split second, the consciousness expands, your whole life flashes before your eyes, and everything is clear as in the palm of the hand. A good example of the DMT effect is this quote circulating on the web: "I instantly realized that everything in my life that I'd thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped." Ken Baldwin (a survivor of a suicide attempt from the Golden Gate Bridge).

So don't jump off the bridge, there are safer methods to reach cognition :) And now the logical question arises - if it is something that is already in our body and if one session can replace 10 years of psychoanalysis, why is it banned and why is it not used for the common good?
We know the answer to that question, but we are doing little to change anything. Among other things, that is why I am writing publicly about this topic.


Ayahuasca/mushrooms, or DMT/psilocybin

Somehow I have to compare my second experience with mushrooms (6g dose) and this one with Ayahuasca (3+ doses, since the second glass was filled right up to the brim)

What was exactly the same were the visions of the fractals. The experience with mushrooms was much deeper. I have the impression that I have reached the core Nikola Tesla was talking about, but it is impossible to take that all-knowing cognition back with you. The only thing I kept completely clear was the mystical experience of separation from the ego and merging with the divine. It seems to me that those thoughts about God under the influence of Ayahuasca were just that, thoughts at the level of the mind.
Again, on the other hand, under the influence of Ayahuasca, the experience is, to say the least, more conscious. You are able to perform tasks consciously and save what you discover and transfer it to this level of consciousness.
That is why they say that Ayahuasca and Iboga can replace ten years of psychoanalysis with a single session.


CEREMONIES

There is already a lot of information about Ayahuasca on the Internet, so I would like to say just one more thing about the ceremonies. They can be quite versatile.
I heard from people that in the ceremonies they attended, in addition to the light, the participants were allowed to walk and that some even danced to the music.
As I have already said, the ceremony I participated in was in the complete pitch dark. Participants got up just to go to the toilet and then they could ask for help from an assistant if they could not find their way around the room.
The Shaman sang Icaros songs, used various gongs and played music through speakers. These were all gentle sounds. There were no drums or invasive tones.
Participants were told to do their best not to interfere with the processes of other participants in the room.
At one point, the Shaman warned a gentleman who had been giggling for an extremely long time - we normally only found out about this in the morning at the sharing.

Everything is perfectly organized for traveling inside and doing the process. Rating for setting - 10+ In any case, whoever opts for it should do their research in advance and choose a shaman/ceremony according to their own sensibility.

Magic Mushrooms

original post is from march 2016

Here are my two posts on the Themajka forum. Below is an appendix - about entheogens in general.

It's been nine and a half months since my first experience with mushrooms. The second one happened last week, and now I will try to share my experiences from both trips.

A brief introduction first - I am 55 years old, and if I do not count a couple of puffs somewhere between the age of 16 – 17, I did not have any experience with opioids. On the other hand, I have had a pronounced interest in spirituality my whole life. That's how I came across an article about the ayahuasca- DMT molecule about 5-6 years ago, and then I was struck by psychedelics.

Again, despite this new knowledge, I would most likely never have taken up direct experience if my son had not got cancer at the beginning of last year (I touched on this story in another topic on the forum).
Namely, among the many pieces of information I have gathered in recent years was the research at Johns Hopkins University on the use of psilocybin in cancer patients' treatment. To make a long story short, I got 3 X 3g - for V (son), Z (wife) and me. I wanted to be me who would take the first, then Z, and to share our experiences with V and prepare him in some way and be his support during the session.

Preparations - first I had to decide where? Inside, in the room, or outside in nature? If outside, again - where? Košutnjak, where there may be a lot of people at the end of May, or go to Avala and go deep into the forest. I was also thinking about ​​setting sail and anchoring a sailboat on the Danube somewhere next to the forest.

And then, those days, I looked from the balcony at the yard and thought - Wait, why not here in the yard?
It was May, all blooming in flowers and greenery, and Z had just bought a comfortable garden deck chair a few days before. Just to see where to put it so that it would be in the shade by 10 o'clock.
I paid attention the following day and saw that the deck chair was already in the ideal place. So, everything was ready for the trip.

D-Day had come, a sunny Sunday. I got up a little before 5 to prepare everything by 5 and 30 when I wanted to drink mushroom tea (a little over 3 g). And it was like that. The effect should start around 6, and I should come down by 10.
I wandered around the house a bit more, and a little before 6, I went down to the garden and lay on the deck chair.

Questions and anticipation overwhelmed me - Will it be just hallucinations, or will there be an expansion of consciousness and deep insights? Can a person function normally and think rationally under the influence of psilocybin?

And then it started working :)

I saw energy, an aura around everything alive, around every leaf. I can't remember exactly now, but I think I heard leaves flickering like some music.
Wow! I was lying and staring in amazement at the surrounding tree branches. It lasted for a few minutes, and then a completely black, lifeless branch caught my eye at one point. Shaped like deer antlers but somehow upside down. The lack of life energy around that branch was simply striking.

- Oh, I seem to be hallucinating. It is impossible that there is such a branch in my yard, and I haven't noticed it so far. Is this perhaps the beginning of a bad trip?
I waved my hand dismissively and just thought - I will have to remember this to check back later when I come down. (yes, it was just like that – of an interesting shape, completely black, without leaves, only I had never noticed it before)

I continued to enjoy the view of that energy, and a tide of emotion set in. I looked at the balcony, and I knew that at some point, Z would appear there when she woke up, and I started thinking about how to convey to her all that I saw and felt. What should I tell her, what should I tell her?
And then a clear answer emerged - you just have to tell her you love her, nothing more. Tears.

I got up and went into the house, among other things to get a notebook and a pen, but I deliberately went to the basement towards the garage to, if I may say so, throw down the gauntlet to low emotions, to face the fear. Outside, the sun was still quite low (around 6:30), so it was pretty dark in the basement.
I didn't turn the light on and turned into the total darkness of the toilet... ... Nothing.

I entered the garage and ran into a children's bicycle that had had a flat tire since a week ago, but they still hadn't changed it. Aha, an idea was born - This was an opportunity to see if a person can think and function rationally. I decided to change the tire on the bike. I started looking for tools, spare tire, I did everything right according to the protocol, just in slow motion.
In the end, I just needed to inflate it. The pump was at the bottom of the trunk, and the trunk was full to the brim (since we got some things yesterday), so I gave up and left the wheel leaning against the car.

I went up to the apartment and entered the room. Z woke up. I looked around the room, looked down at the rug, and saw a leaf. I was thinking - where did the leaf come from, I must be dreaming. So I bent down and picked it up, and Z asked - why are you staring at that bill?
Fuck, I thought it was a leaf.
Z approached - wait, it's a leaf.
Ha, ha, no hallucinations after all :).

We talked for a while and went down to the garden. We sat at the garden table. Again I was overwhelmed with energy, beauty, associations - God's garden, paradise, I even had Eva next to me.
Everything was full of symbols, man, this was amazing.

One branch of our neighbor's walnut tree was hanging over our yard and descended to just above the table. On the branch, the fruit was at my fingertips (if only it was an apple :))

And then BOOM - I kept turning things around in my mind at lightning speed - I remember I had a bee in my bonnet about where to go, and in fact, I didn't need to go anywhere - right where you are, there is paradise! Everything was ideal, and the deck chair was in the ideal place, I didn't have to move it at all.
I was talking about it with Z. God had given us just about everything we needed. Look - I just needed to reach out and pick the fruit.

Damn, everything was so, so deep and ambiguous! Something kept telling me - everything is just as it should be, no need to worry.

We went to the deck chair together. Talking about our sons. Emotions were flooding, and the message got stuck in my head - everything is exactly as it should be ...
We talked a little more and then the effect seemed to peak.

I lay down, looking at the sky and everything, everything was clear to me. Insights, insights, insights...
I looked up and kept saying - yes, .. ..yes, .. ..yes, .. ..yes, ...
I was overwhelmed with insights.

Z entered the house as the neighbor was about to come, and I stayed there until I came down.
When I almost came down, sometime after 10, I got up and entered the house. I sent B a message that I just got back from a psilocybin trip (the man was probably in awe :))
I went to the garage. There was a mess, chaos.
I thought - Look, this is your life, not paradise as you thought in the garden two hours ago. It was as if someone had slapped me.
And then I said to myself - wait, you can acknowledge the situation, and then don't whine, but get yourself together and do something. Go tidy up. You have to start somewhere and finish this trip with what you started with - assemble that bike.

BOOM !!! – Fuck, I can't believe it, I really can't believe it !!! The one from above knows exactly when to show up and what message to send (bicycle trip, Albert Hofmann).

I grinned from ear to ear :D and started to assemble the bike and tidy up the garage.


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My second experience


I have been preparing for the second trip for a little more than nine months. V is completely recovered, and that part of our lives is already in the past.

That segment from the garden when I had insights (which I couldn't remember later) kept bothering me. So I decided on another trip, but in the way it was done in the Johns Hopkins University study - a mask over the eyes, classical music in headphones, and a stronger dose of psilocybin - 6g of mushrooms. This should be the journey to the inside without any external interference.

Sunday morning, I woke up around 3. V hadn't fallen asleep yet. As if he had stayed to wish me a nice trip :). I made tea and squeezed oranges like last time.
On the phone was a playlist of classical and meditation music I had prepared. There was also a tablet, as I intended to turn on recording and place it next to the bed so that I could say something that could later help me remember important things (it turned out there was no need for that).

I went to the bed, put on my headphones and mask even though it was night.
I listened to music and waited. I was not at all interested in the kaleidoscope that was about to come. This was important to me only as an indicator that the mushrooms have started to have an effect.
I repeated non-stop - I want insight, I'm only interested in insight.

And then, before I started to sink, I thought of an SF movie I watched as a kid, 40-something years ago.
By the way, SF movies and movies like The Lord of the Rings have never attracted me. I am entirely rational, I stand firm on the ground and I am only interested in concrete earthly things. But that movie impressed me back then. In it, the heroes walk around an island and what they think starts to happen. A man mentions WW2 and suddenly the planes from the war are flying over them. He remembers his wife and she appears in front of him ...

My thoughts moved in that direction, that this world is created by our minds only on a much deeper level and not so obviously. And that is my last memory from that level of consciousness.

And then the insights started. Consciousness was expanding, I would say fractally. I couldn't even theoretically remember so many pieces of information. But one moment (the most important) remains in the living memory - separation from the ego. Realizing who I am, the real me ..... Consciousness .... And in the next moment, the insight that this consciousness is also the consciousness of God !!! (I am aware that these few sentences above are just an attempt to describe in words something that cannot be described and I feel sorry about that)

The Vedic sages said - Aham Brahmasmi, which can be translated as "I am the universe" or "I am everything". When you understand that, it is clear that if you hate or attack someone, it comes down to hating or attacking yourself.

It later occurred to me that these two seemingly different things - such an expansion of consciousness and the merging of consciousness with cosmic intelligence/god were, in fact, something quite natural and connected

After I came down, at one point, I looked at the tablet, and I remembered last night's scene when I peeked under the mask and saw it glowing in the dark with minimal lighting. The timer counted down the recording time on the screen. I vaguely remember that at that moment, I understood technology and its role and the nature of time, I would say in a few seconds.

I almost came down completely. Z was awake. We chatted for a while, and she got up and went to the window.
- Come on, get up; the sun is already up.
I said - Impossible; they said overcast for today. And then I remembered the idea about that movie, and I said to myself - don't let anything outside impose an idea of ​​what awaits you.

I got up and actually saw the sun in the east :)
We started talking about anything and everything. Z asked the right questions, and I talked like crazy (those who know me know I'm saying little).
I was talking about one topic, and my thoughts were spreading fractally, and I would like to talk about five other topics at the same time.
I thought - man, you're almost completely down, what was your mind like 2-3 hours ago ??? I understand why those Silicon Valley engineers are constantly on microdosing.
Doors Of Perception, Aldous Huxsley and his words came to my mind that the brain is not a source of information at all, but a filter that prevents us from accessing it and that with the help of enthogen we can break that filter. And Nikola Tesla - "Our senses enable us to perceive only a minute portion of the outside world."

I was talking about Allan Wats, Bill Hicks, ltzak Bentov, Max Planck, civilizations, shamanism, mind, schizophrenia.
Castaneda and his jump into the abyss came to mind. I had the impression that I experienced the same thing that night.
Then, the Picture of the Golden Gate Bridge and Facebook post, the words of one of the few survivors of the abyss: "I instantly realized that everything in my life that I'd thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped"

There was "The Ballad of Lucy Jordan" melody in my head
Associations spread further, I spoke to the children while Z was taking pictures with a camera - That man jumped maybe because at one point he realized that he would never reach the goal he set for himself, or the society put a carrot on a stick that says "the American Dream"
V was twice in the USA through student exchange, and once he told me that he was the happiest in his life while he was in the USA. No wonder then that the USA is his dream and he only thinks about how to go there forever.

I turned to V (Z was filming with a camera), but the message also applied to D. First, I told him that he shouldn't chase after the carrot that says "the American Dream." We all have a carrot in front of us. Even the greatest creators were not completely satisfied with their works and always strived for greater perfection, and he should look at such a carrot, the carrot that will produce positive energy and creativity in him.
I told him that what was pulling him to the USA was not the USA itself, but the energy, the enthusiasm he had there, and that it had nothing to do with the circumstances he was in (because he worked there as a slave for 16 hours a day and lived in a small apartment with another 5 people).

But then I gathered my thoughts about that carrot – it's not about carrot and what it says. It can say anything.
A person must understand two things: First and foremost - the goal is not where the carrot is!! The goal is where you are at the moment. At every moment of your life you are already on the goal!

Carrot is just your projection of some future that will happen, or maybe it won't; it doesn't matter. Its only function is to raise the level of your enthusiasm at the moment, the only one that exists.
If you notice that your enthusiasm is beginning to sink, don't chase after it like a donkey, but choose another one that will "work".

Second, what Marcus Aurelius said 2,000 years ago is also very important: You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

In the end, just like at the beginning, there is an association to a film with a great message - Life is beautiful (La Vita e Bella)

So there's one carrot that can't fail, that always works. It says Love. And the message of this film is - wherever you are, in any situation, even in a concentration camp, you can work on your enthusiasm by lovingly boosting the enthusiasm of your loved ones.

That's what the mushrooms told me, it think, and I just passed it on.


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Here I would just like to emphasize the role of music during the use of entheogen.
I read somewhere that in those first studies by Dr. Timothy Leary half a century ago, as many as 30% of participants reported having unpleasant experiences. In the recent ones carried out by Dr. Roland Griffiths, the number was much, much lower.
They concluded that the role of music during the session is important, even much more important than the role of the guide. Carefully selected music can be a deciding factor in ensuring psychological security!
I think everyone should make their own playlist during the preparations. A playlist from Johns Hopkins University can be used as a basis. You listen to everything, remove what you don't like, and then supplement it.
I prepared two and a half hours of classical and meditation music and put it on repeat.
The experience is phenomenal. Music can really lift you up. And the voice.... The Symphony of Sorrowful Songs (second part - Lento e Largo) simply melted me.


Entheogens / psychedelics

According to the meaning of the word, entheogens are substances that can help man can discover the divine in himself. It was not before I started writing this part about entheogens that I saw that its root is in the Greek word νθεος (entheos – the god within), and it is also the root for enthusiasm :)
If used in the right context, psychedelics can be entheogenic, effective agents for spiritual development and healing.
Psychedelics are not addictive and are not toxic (the lethal dose for psilocybin is 1000 times higher than the standard!).
Their effect comes down to expanding consciousness. At least two Nobel Prize winners have admitted to making their discoveries under the influence of LSD. Steve Jobs said the experience was one of the three most important in his life.

They have exceptional power to treat depression, addiction, post-traumatic stress disorder. Entheogens are said to be able to do ten years of psychotherapy in a single session.

Unfortunately, it has been half a century since they were blacklisted along with other opiates. However, things have started to change slowly in recent years, since the research at two American universities has begun.

Alan Watts gave a convenient comparison in one lecture.
According to him, psychedelics are an instrument just like a microscope, telescope and telephone, and they should be used so. No biologist will sit permanently glued to a microscope - he get up and work on what he saw. If you have received a message - hang up!

Although it is probably the fastest, using entheogen is not the only way to cognition. For example, one can reach the same goal during (years of) meditation or some more intense methods, such as holotropic breathwork.

And the trick is, according to MJK (Tool), to go there once with the help of psychedelics and then try to come to the same cognition using other methods (if necessary for years).

Entheogens are exceptionally potent in healing and making spiritual progress, but they need to be approached with great respect and adequate preparation.
Someone once compared them to a plane or a spaceship. The plane can easily transfer you to the other side of the planet, but a disastrous outcome is guaranteed if you entrust it to someone who does not know how to fly it.

Taking these substances recreationally in a nightclub, among the unknown world, is a good recipe for a bad trip.
People with heart problems and people suffering from neurosis and psychosis should not use them without professional supervision.
In short - set & setting: selection of appropriate substance and dose are crucial for a successful session.
Mindset - a calm mind and precise expectations - what you expect from the plant, what information it should give you and what it should help you with.
Setting - a pleasant environment, and I would definitely add carefully selected music.
If all the preparations are done right, the results can be fascinating. Just a single dose of Ibogaine is enough to get rid of severe heroin addiction (but it is more profitable to mutilate them on methadone for years, isn't it?)

And really, the question arises - if all this is true, if they are really so potent substances, why are they not used in medicine, why are they banned?
To cite Terence McKenna - Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third-story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. They open you up to the possibility that everything you know is wrong.

In other words - a self-realized person, united with God, will see the same thing in everyone and everything. Such a person is no longer susceptible to the manipulation by concepts such as nation and national interest, nor will they chase the carrot on a long stick.
It all seems to me that McKenna was right.

You can find more information at: http://reset.me/ and. Maps.org


J Hopkins Play list: https://play.spotify.com/user/phillysblunt/playlist/5KWf8H2pM0tlVd7niMtqeU?play=true&utm_source=open.spotify.com&utm_medium=open