Ayahuasca

original post is from october 2016 About 4 months ago, I learned that an Ayahuasca ceremony would be held in Belgrade in September. I heard about it happening in Novi Sad before, but this was the first time I heard that something like this was about to be held in Belgrade. The time interval between my last experience with mushrooms and this one would be only 7 months, but this sounded like an opportunity not to be missed, and I also had a question about Ayahuasca.

That previous experience with mushrooms gave me the necessary self-confidence and I waited for the ceremony relaxed and mentally completely ready. There was only, so to say, a fuss about one thing - would I get enough of the drink?

There were some things on my mind - three failed attempts at hypnotic regression (3 different hypnotists 10 years apart), a youthful memory of an event when I smoked hashish with friends (which had absolutely no effect on my consciousness) and last experience with mushrooms when it was not until I took 6 g (triple dose) that I had a mystical experience.

Aware that my rational analytical mind could block me, I was afraid that they would give me, a first-time participant, an insufficient amount of drink.
Reading about the ceremonies taking place in South America, I saw that there some time after taking the drink, the shaman offers an extra amount to those who feel the need for it. I wasn't sure it would be the same here.

After 7 days of preparation, fasting and abstinence, the September day arrived. We gathered around 6pm in the yard of the big house where the ceremony was supposed to start around 8:30 pm
The ceremony was led by a woman from Slovenia (with assistants), whom I will call Shaman because of her experience in South America and her abilities.

At 20:30 we were all sitting in a circle in a room of some 80 square meters. So somehow, it turned out that I was first on the left to the Shaman and her assistant.
First, there was a brief introduction and presentation of expectations - what information and change in life we ​​expect from Ayahuasca. The ceremony was attended by people who seek only some answers on the spiritual path, as well as those who want to treat their blockages, get rid of addictions or cure diseases. The answer you will get may not be the one you expected - you will get the answer Ayahuasca thinks you need.
After that, the drinking started from right to left, so I was the last. Of the thirteen participants, four of us were attending a ceremony like this for the first time. I followed what was happening and saw that the Shaman asked everyone who already had an experience if they wanted a stronger or weaker dose, while for those who were new, she determined the amount herself.

Regardless, when it was my turn I asked her to give me a stronger dose. She gave me a little smile and said - "No need to hurry".

As I was taking my dose, I was thinking about the question I wanted to be answered. The question was related to something that had been bothering me for a long time, and regarding the relationship between my two sons, specifically the intolerance that the older towards the younger. I wondered what that was about and if I could do something about it.

I went to my place and lied on the rug and bag.
The light went out and it was completely dark, since the windows were also covered with canvas. Time passed and I already heard the initial reactions from some participants. The taste of Ayahuasca was, according to many, the worst thing they had ever tasted in their lives, and vomiting was a common reaction.

The Shaman was signing Icaros songs. Her voice was divine. After more than an hour, the dim light was on and several participants came for the second dose. That was what I'd been waiting for. I approached and said - give me a strong dose. Without a word, she topped my glass and gave me the drink. I went and sat in my place (I didn't want to lie down for fear of falling asleep).

Time passed, nothing happened in my mind. After about half an hour, one girl approached for probably another dose. I took the opportunity, approached and said - absolutely nothing is happening to me - and asked for a third dose. The Shaman poured and told me that my mind was blocking and that I couls drink a liter of it, but to no avail. I would have to try to meditate and let go of my mind.
I nodded, but I still took the third glass :)

I sat in my seat and listened to Ayahuasca "working" for the other participants. There were cries, sobs, muffled laughter. I, on the other hand, was 100% sober.
Shortly after, I felt the urge to vomit, but the mind reacted at full tilt - vomiting was out of the question !!! You came here for information and you will use the last molecule of DMT, you can't vomit !! The urge was gone without a trace.

At one point I noticed a very dim red light approaching me. The first thought was that it was part of the ceremony and that it had to be one of the assistants. However, the light was standing right in front of me for a long time. I was thinking - if it was part of the ceremony, the assistant would certainly not have stayed that long, but would have moved around the circle.

So that was it, I had been waiting for you. I stared at the light, waiting for it to turn into an eye, and spoke to myself - I came for you, I don't care if you're a good or evil spirit, let me hear what you have to say to me?

However, the light moved on. Bummer :). It was the assistant after all.

After a while, it started working for me too. I could lie down, but I was certainly not going to sleep.
It started with some colorful plastic shapes, characters. Then beautiful fractals. I watched in amazement at first, but then the mind jumped in again with its story - You didn't come here to take drugs and enjoy the beauty !! You came for information. Fuck those fractals!
And it was like that a couple of times. And then at one point there was a voice, like an observer above my mind, saying - Shut that mind up, what you see, those fractals, that's the secret of the universe. Just watch, and you will get the information.

Then thoughts about God started. Observing beauty, I thought about how all that exists was God playing with himself. And this consciousness was the consciousness of God.

Thoughts moved in different directions. I remember one thought that came to my mind that morning.
In the morning, I went for a run. Namely, I wanted to see if I could run 6 km after seven days of a vegan diet. Somewhere in the middle of running, I suddenly realized that I was mostly looking at the ground while running. Probably because I once sprained my leg in a hole and fell there. However, at that moment, I wondered - Why are you looking down in front of you at the dark earth (running on an earthen road)? Raise your head, look into the distance and width, absorb energy from nature and it will give you the strength to run.
So I remembered that thought, and something told me - What you thought about running this morning, it applies to your life. Don't look down into all that dark information - crises, wars, chemtrails, ... Move your attention and focus, look into the distance and width and it will give you the energy to go through life. And if you expand your focus and learn to recognize and interpret signs like this one this morning, you won't even need Ayahuasca.

Thoughts moved further in various directions. I thought of a distant cousin, whom I saw for the first and only time two years ago when she was already 18 years old. A few days ago I had heard she was sick.
Suddenly I had a vision of a branching family tree, which I saw as a fractal, and it would be clear to me that young cousin and me, no matter how far from each other we were on that tree, were part of the same fractal. I needed to visit her in the coming days.

Several times as I watched the fractals I wondered where the answer to my specific question was and would I get it? Then, at one point came the moment of truth. Like a shot.

When I asked that question at the beginning of the ceremony, I asked it from the perspective of an observer, someone who talked about a problem with which he had nothing to do.
Naturally, I have asked myself the question 1000 times - am I perhaps somehow responsible? I was thinking, but I couldn't see any mistake in what I was doing. I have given love and a role model to my children and that's it, ....I couldn't do more.

My son told me a couple of times when he was 25 that he felt old and sometimes depressed. Now he is 26, he has no job, or even a profession that he would pursue, with a dream of moving to the United States, which somehow looks farther and farther, and who knows what else.

And what was I doing? Talking that age was just a number and that a person could live life to the fullest in the sixth, seventh, eighth decade and wanted to show him on my example. Photo albums and stories show an easy-going and relaxed life full of enjoyment from an early age and throughout life. The ideal life of an "ideal" dad.

And then, it all suddenly flashed to me. The child does not need an ideal, but an honest parent with an open heart. And I have never talked to my child about the crises I was going through myself and that I went to group therapies at the age of twenty.
And that for a young person who is at that age of some, that is, many crossroads, such a picture can be a burden rather than a drive. And that, perhaps a subconscious burden, can produce a negative emotion it can direct to the other side without a rational basis to direct towards the one who caused it.

Oh God, how sorry I am, oh how sorry I am !! For my blindness and for the suffering I caused to my family. Tears and sobs.

At that moment, a word came to my mind - Ho'oponopono, something I read about ten years ago. Ho'oponopono is a Hawaiian technique that implies two things:
1. accepting responsibility for everything that happens around us
2. cleansing with the help of four statements: I'm sorry; Thank you; I love you; Forgive me please.

Powerful words that should be repeated constantly as a prayer, a mantra. How it suddenly made sense to me.

They said Ayahuasca would provide the information you need at that moment and they were right. I have been a parent for almost 27 years and all the time I have lived with a picture (pink) about what kind of parent I am, convinced that that picture is objective. What a mistake! Only children can give an evaluation of a parent and that right must be given to them clearly, unambiguously and unconditionally.
Regardless of the mindset and the reasons, their evaluation is the only valid. God knows that the children of "ideal" parents (whom the whole world sees as ideal except them) carry the greatest burden and that their suffering is greater than the suffering of children of, so to say, bad parents.

Children should be encouraged to make that judgment. In order to do it, they have to open their hearts, and in order to do that, we have to open our own first.

The day had already begun to dawn when I fell asleep for a while. At about 9, there was a sharing of personal experiences and then a farewell word from the Shaman - a message that we now have to see and integrate the insights we have gained into everyday life, which is the third and most important part of the whole process.


DMT

DMT molecules are found in nature and, among other things, in our body - in the pituitary gland. It is excreted from there only in extremely rare situations, such as a close encounter with death, and then in a split second, the consciousness expands, your whole life flashes before your eyes, and everything is clear as in the palm of the hand. A good example of the DMT effect is this quote circulating on the web: "I instantly realized that everything in my life that I'd thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped." Ken Baldwin (a survivor of a suicide attempt from the Golden Gate Bridge).

So don't jump off the bridge, there are safer methods to reach cognition :) And now the logical question arises - if it is something that is already in our body and if one session can replace 10 years of psychoanalysis, why is it banned and why is it not used for the common good?
We know the answer to that question, but we are doing little to change anything. Among other things, that is why I am writing publicly about this topic.


Ayahuasca/mushrooms, or DMT/psilocybin

Somehow I have to compare my second experience with mushrooms (6g dose) and this one with Ayahuasca (3+ doses, since the second glass was filled right up to the brim)

What was exactly the same were the visions of the fractals. The experience with mushrooms was much deeper. I have the impression that I have reached the core Nikola Tesla was talking about, but it is impossible to take that all-knowing cognition back with you. The only thing I kept completely clear was the mystical experience of separation from the ego and merging with the divine. It seems to me that those thoughts about God under the influence of Ayahuasca were just that, thoughts at the level of the mind.
Again, on the other hand, under the influence of Ayahuasca, the experience is, to say the least, more conscious. You are able to perform tasks consciously and save what you discover and transfer it to this level of consciousness.
That is why they say that Ayahuasca and Iboga can replace ten years of psychoanalysis with a single session.


CEREMONIES

There is already a lot of information about Ayahuasca on the Internet, so I would like to say just one more thing about the ceremonies. They can be quite versatile.
I heard from people that in the ceremonies they attended, in addition to the light, the participants were allowed to walk and that some even danced to the music.
As I have already said, the ceremony I participated in was in the complete pitch dark. Participants got up just to go to the toilet and then they could ask for help from an assistant if they could not find their way around the room.
The Shaman sang Icaros songs, used various gongs and played music through speakers. These were all gentle sounds. There were no drums or invasive tones.
Participants were told to do their best not to interfere with the processes of other participants in the room.
At one point, the Shaman warned a gentleman who had been giggling for an extremely long time - we normally only found out about this in the morning at the sharing.

Everything is perfectly organized for traveling inside and doing the process. Rating for setting - 10+ In any case, whoever opts for it should do their research in advance and choose a shaman/ceremony according to their own sensibility.